Dealing with rude responses

The seemingly rude behavior in many hacker circles is not intended to be offensive. Instead, it's a straightforward, to-the-point style of communication that focuses more on solving problems than on making people feel comfortable while being vague.

First determine if it is just a direct

If you feel offended, try to react calmly. If someone does do something out of line, the seniors on the mailing list, newsgroup, or forum will most likely greet them. If this doesn't happen and you lash out, the words of the person you're lashing out at may seem normal in the hacker community, and you will be seen as the one at fault, which will hurt your chances of getting information or help.

Harsh does not necessarily equal rude. Much technical feedback will directly point out errors, omissions, repeated questions, or false assumptions. Look to see if it contains useful information before deciding if you need to respond to the tone itself.

Have Evidence Before Calling Something Out

On the other hand, you do occasionally come across rude and boring words and actions. Contrary to the above, it's acceptable to hit really offensive people hard and refute them to the core with sharp words. However, it is important to be very, very informed before acting. There's only a thin line between correcting rude remarks and starting a pointless war of words, and it's not uncommon for hackers to recklessly cross the line themselves. If you're a newbie or an outsider, the chances of avoiding such recklessness aren't high. If you're trying to get information rather than kill time, it's best to keep your hands off the keyboard at this point to avoid taking chances.

If your goal is to solve the problem, oftentimes the most effective thing to do is to ignore the tone and seize on the technical threads to move forward. An open argument can quickly consume the focus of the discussion and may drive away people who are willing to help you.

One interpretation of "erratic behavior"

(Some assert that many hackers have mild autism or Asperger's Syndrome, lacking the nerves needed to lubricate normal interactions in human society. This could be both true and false. If you're not a hacker yourself, perhaps your belief that we're in over our heads will still help you cope with our erratic behavior. Just do it, we don't care. We like the way we are and usually have a tenable suspicion of patient markers.)

Jeff Bigler's summary of observations related to this is also worth reading (tact filters).

Return to What You Really Want

In the next section, we'll talk about another issue, the `offense' that is taken when you misbehave.

In most cases, you come to a community to get information, solve problems, and learn about judgment, not to win an emotional argument. Putting the focus back on facts, evidence, and next steps is usually the most rewarding option.